YTSK II: Chapter XXI
In Universe Date: 21 April 2021
Violet speaks: "So, Tenax, being the president of Videomapistan, do you have any advice on beating Yan?" Tenax responds: "Well, let me show you", before proceeding to walk to his car. He points to a book which has "Koopinator's notebook" scribbled over it.
"This right here", Tenax says, "is a tome of information about an age long past. Namely, the era of the Finno-Korean Hyperwar, ten thousand years ago. Hopefully it contains information that can help us defeat Yan".
Tenax opens the notebook. The notebook contains scans of pages written in script that very vaguely resembles the Harappan script used in the Indus Valley Civilisation. The first 300 pages in Koopinator's notebook contain a detailed Indo-Korean to English dictionary. The next 600 pages contain translated documents describing the Finno-Korean Hyperwar. As Tenax scours through the pages, a page marked "The final testament of God-emperor MervueMeringue" catches his eye.
It reads as follows:
"As I write this, the fate of the Great Korean Empire hangs in the balance. For millenia, we have stood as a beacon of civilization, ruling vast swathes of the world with wisdom, justice, and strength. But now, we face a grave threat - the rebellion of my own daughter, Yan.
It is a painful thing for a father to fight against his own child, but Yan has left me no choice. In her ruthless quest for power, she has killed all my other children except for Neutronex. And now, she stands on the brink of victory, with her armies poised to take our capital of Seoul.
But I have not given up hope. For I possess great power, being an extremely powerful psyker. Through millenia of meditation and discipline, I have honed my psychic abilities to a level that few can match. And I have a plan.
In about two days' time, Yan's armies will reach Seoul. I will be waiting for her, alone, with my psychic energy fully charged. When the battle begins, I will attack her with the Evil Containment Wave, banishing Yan's soul to limbo for ten thousand years.
I know that this act will come at a great cost to me. The sheer amount of psychic energy I will need to muster will surely result in my own death. But I am willing to pay that price, for the sake of the Empire.
I only hope that, in ten thousand years, Yan will be reincarnated in a male body, so that her soul may be destroyed by having a biology textbook thrown at her, via gender dysphoria. I regret that Neutronex, my last surviving child, already left for Antarctica during Yan's invasion of Owadoo (*Manchuria?*), for I wish to tell him of this plan.
But perhaps, in ten millenia's time, someone will find this document and learn of the necessity of throwing a biology textbook at Yan, lest she use her powers to cause the downfall of civilization. For that is what is at stake here - not just the fate of the Great Korean Empire, but the very future of humanity.
Of course, it would also be quite pertinent for them to know that Yan is in possession of a vat of healing juice with which she can regenerate herself, within a lair situated within R'lyeh in the South Pacific. Its coordinates are as follows: 47°9′S 126°43′W.
May the gods be with us.
Sincerely,
MervueMeringue, God-Emperor of the Great Korean Empire, 11 August 7998 BC."
"Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!", Zed yells. "So all this time we could've defeated Yan by simply throwing a biology textbook at her?"
Tenax is ecstatic. "Yes!"
"Huh, who would've thought it would be that simple", DH says.
Zed continues. "So, how do y'all wanna force Yan into a new confrontation? A new attack on the parliament?"
DRM has a different idea. "Wait, instead of trying that again, why don't we try to make our way to R'lyeh, to get our hands on that healing juice? We could bring back epic videomappers like A.S. Mapping or maybe even Fourthirds."
Zed is sceptical. "But DRM, how are we gonna enter R'lyeh? It's in at the bottom of the ocean, in the middle of the south pacific."
"I think the Mapperdonian air force could help with that", Violet says. "Although we'd have to discuss that with the president. It's gonna be quite a trip, since the Câmara popular is over 100km away."
Afterwards, the squad proceeds to the Câmara popular (People's Chamber of Mapperdonia).
Meanwhile, in the Videomapistani parliament...
Shusha approaches Yan. "President, would you look at this?" Yan looks at the graph. "Oh dear, the Islamic Virtue Party is soaring in the polls. How come?" "Christian conservative voters are dissatisfied with the new secular and pro-LGBT direction in which you've been taking the ruling Videomapistan National Party, so now they're flocking to IVP to depose you." "All for thinking queers should have rights, sheesh." "I would strongly recommend not running in this year's election. It would really hurt us electorally." "Thanks for the advice Shusha, but I think it would be less risky if we just postponed the elections." "You'd need to get parliament to vote on that." "Alright."
Yan enters the parliament, taking the seat at the front. The speaker of the parliament, Shusha, calls the parliament to order.
The parliament is filled with members from various political parties. The members of the Islamic Virtue Party sit on the right, the Socialist Party on the left, and the national party in the middle. Independent members of parliament are scattered throughout.
As the vote begins, the members of the Islamic Virtue Party immediately vote against the bill. Its leader, NoorullahMapping, speaks up:
"Although we have always been opposed to Tenax' infidel regime, we've been disappointed to learn that the National Party has begun to advocate even more haram behaviour in the last 5 days, under the new direction of Yan. Although we ourselves are not enthusiastic about the democratic system, we find it very hypocritical for liberals to push liberal policies while opposing liberal democracy when it does not suit them. This bill is a transparent attempt by the Yan regime to maintain power, and we vote against. The factions and apostates who have been failed by the National Party's increasing secularism have been invited to repent and give allegiance to the IVP after disavowing their loyalty to the disbelievers."
The members of the Socialist Party, on the other hand, vote in favor of the bill. Its leader, Danzig HD Mapper, speaks up:
"The polls are currently being skewed by a moral panic fuelled by homophobia and transphobia. We find it disappointing that so many agents within our country hope to perpetuate our historic marginalization of the LGBTQ+ community, and although we strongly disagree with Yan in regards to continuing our colonialist imperialist war against Mapperdonia, we nonetheless find that a postponement of elections is highly appropriate measure: this way, time can pass for the panic to subside, until people to resume voting for their traditional preferred parties. Furthermore, we want to applaud Yan for her efforts to dismantle our patriarchal, heteronormative society that unduly privileges cisgender, straight white men."
The national party is split, with some members voting in favor of the bill, while others vote against it. They are both anti-LGBT and loyal to Yan, which puts them in a tough spot. The independent members of parliament have mixed opinions. Some vote in favor of the bill, while others vote against it.
As the votes are tallied, it seems the bill to postpone will pass with a narrow majority - 63 votes "based", 54 votes "cringe", 3 votes "Whatevs", while 1 MP got better things to do. However, at the last second, Dodolulupepe, the absent MP, arrives.
"Hello everyone, I've come to cast my vote. If it isn't too much of a burden, there's a few words I would like to add."
Dodo opens his phone, and speaks up:
"AHEM.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs.
Yan looks a bit flabbergasted as Dodo continues.
"*Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here.*"
"Is he... reciting the entire bee movie script?", Yan asks Shusha.
"Looks like it. We'll just have to let him speak."
5 minutes pass, and Dodo still continues.
"*It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!*"
"How long is he going to continue?", Yan asks. Shusha is calm. "For as long as he wants to." "B-b-b-but we have a session to finish! If he continues talking indefinitely, then he's going to run out the clock and no bill will be passed!" "Well president, I think that's the point. This is what is known as a filibuster." "But-but... can't we do something?" "We can override it with a two-thirds majority." "But we don't have a two-thirds majority!" "In that case we're fucked."
Dodo continues. "*What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.*"
Yan sighs. "God damnit Dodolulupepe, you've torpedoed my bill!. Hey Shusha, what's the suicide hotline number?" "Well Ms. President, if you want to commit die-" "No, I don't mean it like that. I want to place an order."
To be continued...